Sad Anniversaries

It will be my mother's birthday on the 24th, the second since she died. Somehow this anniversary makes me sadder than the anniversary of her death. In reaction to this, I find myself swamped in creativity or, maybe, in shopping to support creativity. I've been buying lace weight yarn like crazy. I bought three partial cones of Jaggerspun Zephyr and another three colors of cashmere-silk blend on eBay, four different colorways from Black Bunny Yarn, and two colorways of kettle-dyed yarn from Knit Picks. Then today I got a skein of Lorna's Laces Helen's Lace for the 2009 Year of Lace Spring offering.

The funny thing is, I don't know why I'm suddenly accumulating lace weight yarn. It's not in honor of my mother. I never knit a lace shawl for my mother and she wouldn't have worn it if I had. She rarely wore sweaters or jackets or coats and a lace shawl just wasn't her style at all. An afghan would have suited her, but I'm just now starting to think about knitting afghans, mostly for the new house.

There's some miscellaneous news. We're having a heat wave here. It's been in the '90s, which is unusual in April. Today we're having a lot of convective activity and there's an actual thunderstorm just north of us that has really dropped the temperature. I doubt if we'll see any precipitation, though.

Gordo went to the vet last week and he weighs 75 lbs now. He'll be one year old on May Day. He's doing very well, although he has trouble sleeping in the warm evenings. We've started leaving the slider in the bedroom open and he's doing better. His crate is right by the door and the cool air washes over him, making him more comfortable. He also seems to be eating a little better. I think he's not wild about the lamb and rice kibble, so I'm going to look for a different brand next time. Maybe I'll pick up a small bag of Canidae. My previous pair of collies liked it very much, so I can hope Gordo will, too, and that it won't make him itch.

Some time ago I got a new vacuum cleaner, a Eureka, that claims to pick up dog hair. It does and I'm really pleased. I hadn't realized how much hair Gordo had shed in the bedroom (or how much we'd tracked in) until I saw it whirling around in the vacuum cup. His hair is pretty much invisible on the silver plush, which helped conceal the quantity. The vacuum can also be used on hard floors, having a switch to turn the beater brushes off, which is really nice. My halls and bathrooms are tiled and regular vacuums just spread stuff around on them, rather than sucking it up. This vacuum came from Overstock.com and was quite reasonably priced. I looked at Dysans but couldn't find one with the hard-floor option and thought they were kind of expensive. I've had Eurekas before and liked them, so that's what I got.

At the same time I also picked up a Bissell carpet cleaner from Overstock.com. It's refurbished and has a minimal complement of accessories, but I'ver never found that I use the accessories. I probably should, now that I actually think about it, since the chair I regularly sit in is a bit grubby and could stand to have the arms cleaned, at the very least. We have the carpet cleaners come in about once a year and do everything, but with a dog it's nice to be able to tackle spots when they appear, without doing the entire house. All of my dogs have been very good about not making organic messes, being well-trained, but I swear that they would sometimes clench an entire pawful of mud to track onto the carpet on rainy days. Add in my propensity to spill Caffeine-Free Diet Coke and spot-cleaning gets important.

The third thing in my order was a pressure cooker. I've never had one, but my mom loved hers. She was a working woman for as long as I can remember and the pressure cooker let her put dinner on the table in no time. I'm more interested in keeping the kitchen cool during the summer. I'm trying to add some balance and variety to my diet and I know I'm more likely to eat food I've prepared. For example, I despise cooked bell peppers, yet a lot of companies sneak them into frozen meals, where they taint the entire dish. This is particularly true of baked pasta dishes and Mexican foods, like enchiladas. I also think the pressure cooker will let me cook smaller quantities. There's really no reason to make two big pans of cheese enchiladas or lasagna just because you're going to all that work anyway. The cooker is also touted as making excellent rice and, with special pans, steamed desserts. I'll let you know how this works out.

A Death In Our Family

My much beloved father-in-law passed away, peacefully and painlessly, at about 5:00 am today. He was the last of our four parents and his death brings back all the pain of the other deaths, as well as its own pain.

He was a wonderful, kind, loving, intelligent man and he'll be sorely missed by his family.

One Fewer of the Greatest Generation Soon, Apparently

We got a call from my husband's sister-in-law in Iowa. His father, at 96, is doing very poorly and may not last through the night. This will be the last of our parents to die.

I've been struggling with the first anniversary of my mother's death, too. I may not be here much for a while.

Too Young

My cousin in Durango called this morning to tell me that one of our younger cousins had died. She'd had Type I diabetes since her early teens and this had caused a real host of major medical problems. She was only 45.

It's Sure Been Sad Around Here Today

I've been picking up all of Neil the Collie's things today. Dog beds, water dishes, food dishes, treats, shedding rakes, and so on. He had quite a collection of things and they were scattered all over the house, although a lot of it was in the kitchen. I'll probably pack up all the food and take it to a nearby shelter.

I sure do miss him. He wasn't a noisy dog ever and he'd slept a lot in the last couple of years, but still it's way too quiet now that he's gone. I keep expecting to look up and see him and he's not there.

I called the woman who bred his sire, Spif, to tell her the sad news. She was sorry to hear it, of course, but glad he hadn't been in pain or anything. She also suggested that I check with a breeder near San Diego, who has one of Neil's half-brothers. He may have a litter bred by him.

Incidentally, it's Spif's name, Narnia's Intrepid Spaceman Spif, that led to Neil and Buzz's names. They were born the year of the 25th, silver, anniversary of the first moon landing. Not only was their sire a spaceman, but their dam's call name was Silver. We didn't need any omens to convince us to get these two puppies, but it sure did make naming them easy. They also each had personalities a bit like their eponymous astronauts. Neil was reserved and dignified and Buzz was outgoing and extroverted.


Here's Neil on his dog bed last year. It was in the corner of my office, right across from my chair. It was Neil's secure place and he slept there and carried special treats there to eat. This photo was probably taken last winter or spring, before we went up to Lancaster for the summer.

I can't quite tell what that is on the floor in front of him. It wasn't edible, though. Neil loved to eat and he would never have ignored a tempting bit of food like that.


Here he is dropping off to sleep. He'd start out like this, not quite curled up, but he'd usually end up on his side, stretched out. He fit just exactly on this bed, nose tip at one edge, rump at the other.


Here are Neil and Buzz in our first Palm Desert house. probably about four years ago. Buzz was up in the chair because I'd been trimming the hair on his feet. Normally our dogs don't get on the furniture and Neil took this rule so much to heart that he was very uncomfortable even when I'd lifted him up and was right beside him. He'd get down at the first opportunity. Buzz, on the other hand, was willing to hang around, given the chance.

Incidentally, Neil was a beautiful, perfect collie. He really met the standard and would have done very well had he been shown. Buzz, on the other hand, wasn't quite so perfect in his looks. See how his ears are set close together on top of his head, for example. He was still a handsome dog, just not quite standard. It didn't bother him, or us, one bit.

Neil the Collie and the Rainbow Bridge

Neil the Collie set off for the Rainbow Bridge at about 1030 this morning, I'm sorry to report. He'll join his littermate Buzz there, as well as MacDuff, Duncan, Donal, and Malcolm.

He'd turned 13 on the fifth of March, which is quite old for a collie. He'd been having neurological problems for a couple of years, caused by narrowing of the spine and compression of the nerves. Last night he had some sort of attack or seizure that damaged his already-precarious balance and reduced his limited mobility.

He wasn't in any pain physically that we could see, but his dignity was in great danger. He was always a most dignified dog and the loss of dignity was painful to him (and to us). So we sent him on to the Bridge, to be re-united with Buzz and to wait for us.

Since his passing, the skies here have clouded up and it may rain. Even Nature grieves with us for this most excellent of dogs.

I know there's no reason at all to believe in the Rainbow Bridge, not theologically, not logically, not realistically, but I truly hope it's true. Our dogs have each been as much a part of our family and our lives as they could be; they have enriched our days, lightened our sorrows, rejoiced in our joys, and been beside us, loving and trusting us unconditionally. Faith is when you can believe something with absolutely no evidence.

Back To Normal, Sort Of

We had my mother's funeral on Monday and it was very well attended. The odd thing was that everyone but the family sat in the back rows and there were about five empty rows between the family in the centers of the two front rows and everyone else. The flowers were quite beautiful, even though we'd included her two volunteer groups in the obituary for donations in lieu of flowers.

My one uncle, one of her brothers, sent a beautiful wreath with ribbon streamers that read "Soaring With Eagles". This so baffled the folks at the church that they checked the card very carefully to be sure it was delivered to the correct funeral. What they didn't know about her was that she had been the office manager at the Antelope Valley Turkey Growers Association plant for over 25 years. The reference was, of course, to the aphorism "It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys all day".

The service and everyone's remarks were very comforting to me. I knew she was held in very high esteem by some people, but I hadn't realized how many or how high. My cousins' eulogy and remembrances were wonderful; their remarks really resonated with everyone.

The luncheon afterward was also well attended. The menu was lasagna, tossed salad, and cake. Comfort food, in short, and it did comfort us.

We inhumed (buried) her the next day, in a very brief ceremony with only five attendees. The weather wasn't too bad on either day, actually, but it was still cooler than I liked.

My cousin from New Jersey's wife has stayed on to help me. We went over to my mother's house yesterday and she took some books and clothes. I was really pleased that the clothes fit her and were to her taste because I know she'll think of my mother every time she wears them. That means a lot to me, knowing that my mother is fondly remembered.

We went and saw a lawyer on Wednesday. We'd gotten the appointment to put our estates in order with a living trust and wills, but we spent most of the hour discussing the probate of my mother's estate. I'd bought the Nolo Press book about probating estates in CA and decided that I didn't want to do it myself. I'll be the executrix but they'll do all the work. The state has set the fees and they're very reasonable. It'll take about six weeks to set everything up and get the probate court's approval, so it should be finished up this year.

We're going to go down to Palm Desert in about two weeks. I'm just going to pack up and leave everything. It won't be long before it gets so warm there that we want to come back up here. I want a little time away before I finish clearing out her house and dealing with everything.

Details, Details

I've finally finished everything I needed to do for my mother's funeral on Monday. The last thing was to submit her obituary to the local newspaper. They'd run a death notice already, with minimal information; this was the actual obituary, written by me, with more details of her life and family, etc. I had to submit this before noon on Friday to have it run on Saturday. I also had it run on Sunday.

Then I had to finish getting my house ready for company. We'd been planning to go back to Palm Desert in October when she was diagnosed with cancer in August. We put our plans on hold immediately and bought some winter clothes, but we'd been packing things up to go south and now we had summer clothes to add. I'd also been buying yarn and turning it into scarves, because knitting was such a comfort to me as I sat by her bed every day. Plus I'd been hitting Amazon kind of hard, what with buying John Ringo and David Drake books, as well as some werewolf books (no, I don't really believe in werewolves, but escapist literature has its place) and Overstock.com had offered several items that were just perfect for the new house. So I had a dining room and living room full of stuff. My friend Pat and I spend three days scurrying around, picking up the house for company.

My cousin and his wife, from New Jersey, got here about 4:00 pm, after checking into their hotel. We had a lovely visit, with dinner from Black Angus to-go, and they left about 8:00 pm, an hour and a half ago. It's really wonderful to have them here, as they are easy to get along with and tremendous support. He's going to be a pallbearer and give the eulogy. They'll both be here through Tuesday and then he goes back to work and she'll stay for the rest of the week. She'll go down to Joshua Tree to see her mom and sister for a couple of days and then fly home.

My other nearby cousin, his sister, and her husband will come up from Yucca Valley tomorrow (Sunday). We'll all have dinner together Sunday night, which should be really nice. My cousin's husband is going to play the organ for the service and be a pallbearer. They'll go back Monday as they both have to teach the next day.

Those two cousins are from my mom's side of the family. Their father is her oldest brother, about two years younger than her. I have two more cousins, with spouses, from my father's side who are going to come. One lives in Clovis, up in the CA Central Valley, and the other lives in Utah. The CA cousin and his wife will be joined by two of their (six) sons, who are in Los Angeles this weekend for a gift show. These two sons are pharmacists, as was their father before he retired, and live up near Fresno, where they have a small chain of pharmacies.

I have a lot more cousins than that, since my father was the youngest of ten and my mother the oldest of seven, but a lot of them live in Utah and Colorado and are concerned about the weather for driving. I told everyone, quite firmly, that my mother, who was a very practical and pragmatic woman, wouldn't have wanted them taking too big a risk to be there and they were to decide accordingly. The cousins younger than me have jobs to consider and the ones older than me worry more about the road conditions, so I don't think they'll come.

However, I expect the turnout to be fairly high, as people from both her volunteer organizations are going to be there. She had volunteered over 15,000 hours to the hospital auxiliary and knew pretty much everyone. Ditto the Friends of the Library. This is part of the reason the interment is going to be on Tuesday. Our weather has been pretty cold for us and I really didn't want to drag all the volunteers out into it, since so many of them are older women. As I've told people, I don't want to be known as the woman who single-handedly wiped out the two biggest volunteer groups in town.

Oops, I just realized that I've left one thing undone. I forgot to order cards announcing her death to mail to everyone non-local who won't hear about it otherwise. Fortunately, I've got her address book and all the Xmas cards people sent, so I'll know who to send these to. I've got a lot of thank you notes to write, too, so I'll have to order correspondence cards as well. I'll get these ordered next week, while my cousin's wife is still here to go with me. The announcements don't have to go out immediately, of course.

We've got an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts and estates and stuff on Wednesday. We'd made the appointment to set up our own trust and get new wills, and I'm going to have them handle her estate for me. We're probably going to go down to Palm Desert for a few months and when we return I'll deal with emptying out her house and getting it put on the market. I'm not looking forward to that at all, but she had gone through and cleared out a lot of stuff when my father died, which should make things easier. I told you she was practical.

I miss her dreadfully.

Sad, Sad Day

My mother died this morning. She had cancer and had been in the hospital and nursing home since August. She wasn't in any pain from the cancer and in the end she just slipped away in her sleep. She was 84, almost 85.